she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
