I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
