oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
