Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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