oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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