ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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