I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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