someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
