i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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