Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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