He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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