Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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