He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
