I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dignity is for republicans.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have fence marks all over my body
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
