I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
