The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
