I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
