you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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