she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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