Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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