Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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