Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
