I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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