John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
nutella sex= disaster
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
