I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
