Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
