So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
