best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
