people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
