I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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