my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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