Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
