Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
