guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
