How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
