Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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