Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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