The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i barfeds in our rink
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
