I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
