i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I need to stop coming to work sober
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
