worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
