u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
