You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
