It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
