My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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