He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
