The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
