Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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