I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
