From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
